I can offer you a great deal

For some reason, since switching to Pay As You Go I’ve been inundated with calls from sodding phone dealers trying to give me a "better deal" on my contract. I even had one today who wouldn’t fuck off when I told him I wasn’t on contract. I rang Orange and they said the dealers are nothing to do with them – the woman in customer service said she gets free handsets and cheap calls but they still even bother her. So I’ve decided to wage a passive-aggressive war on these bastards.

  • Say you’re interested but you just have to go somewhere quieter to talk. Then put the phone in a drawer and leave it.
  • When they tell you they can offer you a "great deal" because you pay your bills on time every month, inform them that you constantly default and have a lousy credit history.
  • Do the mirror game. "I can offer you a great deal." "I can offer you a great deal." "I see you’re on Talk 50." "I see you’re on Talk 50."
  • Be interested and then give them a blatently fake address/phone number/bank account details and be offended if they don’t believe you.

Any other suggestions?

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