Standing in a changing room at the weekend, trying on a sweater dress that came almost to the knee (the one good thing about being pint sized). ‘Hmm’ thinks I; ‘would this work without the trousers and just over-the-knee socks and boots?’ The answer: no, I looked three months pregnant and the jeans went straight back on. So now I have a muffin top – without the help of trousers – to go with the cellulite, white hair and burgeoning crows feet. *sigh*

Plus I got a haircut at the weekend and it’s way too short. Why do hairdressers think "take the weight out" means "please hack at my hair"? It’s all sculpted and groomed and I aint a sculpted kinda gal. Sure, I can put a clip in the side and look sort of little-girl cute, but I aint a cute kinda gal either… This morning I had to deliberately give myself hat hair to flatten down the bouncy top.


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