Attention: drivers

A few hints for drivers – particularly, I suspect, in London. When the amber light starts flashing at a pedestrian crossing, this is a signal for you to move off if the crossing is clear. If there are pedestrians still crossing, it is not a signal for you to do any of the following:

  • Rev your engine
  • Honk your horn
  • Creep forward
  • Cycle straight over anyway
  • Jerk forward three feet and then stop suddenly as if only just noticing the pensioner and limping woman with strangely attractive plastic boot directly in front of your bonnet

These apply especially when the traffic immediately the other side of the crossing is backed up and stationary, you utter twats. Next time you will be slapped with an ‘urban asshole‘ notice.

Incidentally, I was intrigued to learn that crossings that have an island in the middle still count as one crossing (ie, even if you’re less than halfway across when the green man starts to flash, you’re entitled to cross the island and carry on) – rule 197. I had no idea. And technically I can drive, ahahaha (someone, for god’s sake, remind me to send in the form to get my driving licence updated; it’s still registered to my parents’ house, where I haven’t lived for eight years and which they don’t own any more).


5 responses to “Attention: drivers

  1. Nick December 13, 2007 at 11:40 am

    You can drive!? Didn’t know that. Why don’t you? I can’t imagine having a license and no car. I really want to start driving.
    I hate it when drives treat an amber light as green. Really selfish.

  2. Rachel December 13, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    I passed my test the week before I went to university. As such, I have driven about 10 times since passing, including nearly killing Liz and myself on the way to Sheffield (Sheffield has a very stupid one way system).
    Driving in cities scares me, I can’t cope with lane changes and being surrounded by angry morons in killing machines. On the open road however it’s very different – there’s nothing quite like moving up the gears as you get up to speed… ah… In the meantime, the 181 bus gets me to the big Sainsburys, I don’t have to pay for an annual parking permit and I get to feel massively guilty for my parents paying for over a year’s worth of lessons so I could possess a piece of paper.

  3. Nick December 13, 2007 at 1:03 pm

    Fair enough. Still once you’ve got it at least it is for life.
    Though I do quite fine without a car at the mo, it would make numerous things easier. Especially when it comes to stuff for the garden and house.
    I’m saving up for a Peugeot 306 1.4.

  4. Ant December 14, 2007 at 10:06 pm

    Just to even the score, I’d also like to point out that the flashing green man is intended to mean ‘Hurry the fuck up, the cars will be wanting the road back soon’, not ‘Dive suicidally in front of any car unwise enough hesitate for a second’.
    Also, the law states I have to give way to pedestrians as soon as they have 1 foot in the road. If you hang around aimlessly at a crossing without clearly indicating your intention to cross, don’t look so fucking agrieved that I didn’t stop, just on the odd chance that you might stop scratching your arse long enough to cross the fucking road. You dopey twat.

  5. Rachel December 14, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    Oh, absolutely. Which is why I always put one foot on the zebra and then stare down any oncoming driver. *ahem*

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