Cause and effect
August 1, 2008
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Prizes will be offered to whoever figures out the ending of this story earliest *
I came back from a pleasant day in Cambridge to discover that the cat had left me a gift of barely digested, regurgitated biscuits all over the living room rug. Usually I’d clean it off the best I can and turn the rug over (what?) but I’d done that already a few weeks ago so it was time for a wash. It’s not really a rug, it’s a Habitat bathmat, so it soaks up water in the washing machine and tends to cause errors whenever it gets too heavy, particularly on the spin cycle. So when the machine beeps I open the door**, readjust the weight distribution and start it up again.
It beeped every fecking minute tonight. I’d opened it up once already and was at the point where I was just automatically resetting the damn thing. Eventually I got fed up and simply turned off the machine, opened the door… and it wasn’t on the spin cycle, was it? It was in the middle of a rinse. And the gushing water went over my feet and spread out all over the kitchen floor.
Shit. Shitting shit.
Quickly grab the mop and bucket and try and get as much as possible before it all seeps into the foundations. Abandon drenched flip flops in hall. Hmm, the floor appears to be uneven and the fridge is standing in a corner lower than all the rest. Fuck it, it’s warm and it’ll have to dry out naturally. Why is water being released back into the kitchen in stages from under the cooker? Bollocks, the manky bit of skin on my big toe is starting to hurt from being wet. It’s OK, water has only come from washing machine, is not dirty and will not get infected…
And the cause of all this trouble? In the garden during the crisis and completely oblivious, El Mog has just spent ten minutes mawling and sitting in the spot where the rug usually is. I have had to move the rug/bathmat that lives next to my bed, into the living room. Like I haven’t had enough to do.
* Not really
** Astute readers may have an idea about now