Internal monologues of two people at Charing Cross station, Bakerloo line, northbound

Man: Oh, isn't this just a glorious day! To be here, beneath the pavements of London, waiting for the miracle of the tube.

Bagelmouse: Tube train, tube train. Wow, there's a lot of people at this end of the platform.

Man: I could just start skipping, that's how lighthearted and joyous I feel. But I wouldn't want to undermine the seriousness of my business dress. Maybe I'll compromise and walk kicking my feet out behind me. Like Morecambe and Wise used to do when they danced along to Bring Me Sunshine. Yes! That's it! That's what I'll do! But at a walking pace!

Bagelmouse: Walking down the platform, walking down the platform. Mmm, fantasies of button-buying in John Lewis. Oop, train's here. Carry on walking.

Man: Ah, the vroom of the Bakerloo line train! The only downside is that I won't be able to do my little walk as it whisks me off to my destination.

Bagelmouse: That's a likely looking carriage. That… that guy is moving really slowly… never mind, he'll be inside the train and not blocking the doorway by the time I get there. Doors don't start beeping don't start beeping…

Man: Isn't this just a splendid carriage? I think I'll take my time getting on to savour this moment… gosh, the heel of my brogue appears to have connected with the top of that young lady's kneecap.

Bagelmouse: ARGH! F@*!ing knee! Who walks like that? Honestly? Who?!

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