Robust rebuffs

The wedding of the year is on Saturday (which my cousin has just referred to on Facebook using eight exclamation marks; I also noted the use of "my big day" rather than "our big day"). Anyway, to make sure I'm prepared for any dumb ass remarks thrown in my direction about when it will be my 'turn' or something ill informed about how every woman wants children, I need a stream of retorts up my sleeve to shut people up. I just need to create a few seconds of stunned / appalled / patronised silence to allow me to slip away. So far I have the old favourite:

    Actually, I'm a lesbian

and one bound to go down well in BNP country

    I've been married for several years already, helping a friend get a visa. Shh, don't tell the Home Office!

Amy came up with a humdinger

    I'm in a relationship with a great guy. He's married, but the sex is amazing

Any more suggestions?


4 responses to “Robust rebuffs

  1. Persephone June 4, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    My favourite all-purpose answer to personal questions is a slightly quizzical “Why do you want to know?” If that doesn’t shut them up and the answer is “I’m curious,” then you’re free to say “Not good enough!”
    Although, if you’re looking for shock value, you could always say, “As long as I have batteries, I have a better alternative!”

  2. Lucy June 5, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    All these answers sound like you’re protesting just that bit too much. Is it that hard to get a boyfriend these days?

  3. Rachel June 7, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Well aren’t you a charmer? Big up the sisterhood, yeah?

  4. will June 8, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    What about – “I am seeing someone but he’s here with his wife, so shhhh.”

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