June 4, 2009
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The wedding of the year is on Saturday (which my cousin has just referred to on Facebook using eight exclamation marks; I also noted the use of "my big day" rather than "our big day"). Anyway, to make sure I'm prepared for any dumb ass remarks thrown in my direction about when it will be my 'turn' or something ill informed about how every woman wants children, I need a stream of retorts up my sleeve to shut people up. I just need to create a few seconds of stunned / appalled / patronised silence to allow me to slip away. So far I have the old favourite:
Actually, I'm a lesbian
and one bound to go down well in BNP country
I've been married for several years already, helping a friend get a visa. Shh, don't tell the Home Office!
Amy came up with a humdinger
I'm in a relationship with a great guy. He's married, but the sex is amazing
Any more suggestions?