Conversations with my cat

The! Return! Of! The! Series!

[Scene: 5am, bedroom]
El Mog:
Mrrrrrraaa
Bagelmouse: What?
El Mog: Mrrrrrroooo [rolls over]


[Scene: hallway, at a more civilised time]
El Mog: Rrrrrraaaaw
Bagelmouse: What now?
El Mog: Krrrrrrak [sprawls across middle of floor]

 


[Scene: toilet, about an hour after that]
El Mog:
Aaaaarooooooo
Bagelmouse: What? What now? What the fuck is it now?
El Mog: Prrrrrow [flops down on feet]

 


[Scene: later that day, living room, Bagelmouse is at the computer]
El Mog:
WAAAAAAAAA
Bagelmouse: You are driving me insane.
El Mog: Mrrraaaa – what?
Bagelmouse: You. I went away for a long weekend five weeks ago and you haven’t shut up since.
El Mog: Oh yeah. You went away. I’d forgotten about that. This is just what I do now. Mrrrrroooooo.
Bagelmouse: Is this because the weather’s got colder? What is it? Why are you whinging at me every single moment when you’re awake?
El Mog: Krrrrraaaaa – oh, I just want to sit on your lap.
Bagelmouse: I have things to do.
El Mog: No you don’t. You have no job.
Bagelmouse: I still have things to do other than being a cat cushion.
El Mog: You say that now. We’ll see how long it takes for you to crack. Rrrrraaaaaaaow…
Bagelmouse: [starting to rock back and forth] Oh. My. God.

 

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