Mr Rodrigue RB Gounon
March 19, 2011
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I don’t know why, but in this flat I get a lot of mail to the right address but in the name of people I’ve never heard of. (When I say “a lot of”, I mean in comparison to other places I’ve lived; you always get mail for previous occupants but unless there were a lot of random renters around 1996-2002 I have no idea what’s going on. Virgin Media, for example, are still convinced a Ms S Howells lives here and are not put off by my increasingly rude ‘return to sender’ messages.)
Mr Rodrigue RB Gounon, however, is new. I first became aware of him a couple of weeks ago when a courier tried to deliver a mobile phone at 7am. Right address, wrong name. This is not a good scenario to confront me with when I’ve just woken up. A week later I got his first T-Mobile bill, which I opened automatically before realising it wasn’t addressed to me. I called T-Mobile, they said they’d cancel the contract.
Now I have an envelope containing something thin and soft that’s come from Crewe, order number S012729486. I wrote a note to the occupants of a flat down the road, at a number that sounds a lot like mine (taxi drivers always think I’m ordering a cab to there rather than my own place); maybe Rodrigue RB Gounon has just moved in and due to his, possibly Spanish, accent is having difficulty making people understand his address.
Nope, says the lady who lives down the road. Rodrigue RB Gounon doesn’t live there.
So what shall I do about Rod? (I feel I can call him Rod. He did, after all, try to give me a mobile phone which, given that my iPhone on Orange is basically a worthless piece of plastic, I think I should have kept.) Rodders seems to think he lives here. Perhaps I should check the understairs cupboard. Perhaps he’s trying to piggyback on my credit rating and I should get in touch with Experian. Or perhaps I can harness the power of the internet to find this tool. Maybe he’s on Twitter – after all, I know he’s been trying to get himself an iPhone.
Honestly, what kind of berk can’t get stuff sent to his own address?`